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I'm so frustrated with my mom right now. I've been veggie for two years and decided that for the New Year I want to take it a step further and become vegan. I can't make her understand that this is what I want and I am making sure I get all my vitamins. Instead she just replies to me with "As long as you live under my roof you can't be vegan. Oh, and you can't move to Europe next year because you being vegan will be a huge burden on your family." I find that very unfair of her not to be accepting. She also told me I would gain a ton of weight because I would just eat breads. What can I say or do to help her understand that I'm fine? - Sara, age 16

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Your mom is afraid, pure and simple. She's afraid you're going to hurt yourself by going vegan. I'm surprised she thinks you're going to gain weight since most parents think their teens are going to lose weight. But it's all the same thing. Fear. Until you can address her fear she probably won't hear any of your logical arguments or be able to accept your assurances.

Here's what I would do if I were in your situation.

1. Purchase a copy of Becoming Vegan by Brenda Davis and Vesanto Melina. Read it so you know what nutrients you need and how to plan a safe, vegan diet. Your mom will also see this as proof that you are serious about getting proper nutrition. You may also want to pick up a copy of Raising Vegan Children in a Non-Vegan World and see if your mom will read it. It will address some of her fears.

2. Address your mom's fears directly. Ask her if she has some time to discuss something important with you and get her alone and undistracted. Say something like, "Mom, are you worried that if I go vegan I'll become unhealthy?" Listen to her answer and don't interrupt at all. When she's done let her know you've heard and understood her by repeating back the essence of what she said. Then say, "Did I understand your point of view completely?" Let her speak again without interrupting (no matter how hard it is to keep quiet, just listen). Keep repeating back to her what she's said until she feels fully understood. When she is finished then it's your turn. Tell her how important it is for you to go vegan and why. Ask her not to interrupt you and when you're done ask her to repeat back to you what you said. Keep going like this until you both understand each other completely. That alone will make you some progress. At this point she may be willing to let you go vegan and actually be supportive. If not, at least you'll have gotten more clarity on her viewpoint.

3. If you can't come to an agreement then I would suggest going as vegan as you possibly can. Get a copy of Vegan Family Favorites and offer to do some cooking for the family. Make the yummy and delicious recipes in the book and you may show her just how wonderful vegan meals are and how healthy too!

It's tough to go vegan when your family is unsupportive. If you can't find a way to go vegan at this time, remember that when you're 18 you can eat however you'd like. Show your mom you're an adult and she may come around. Find other vegan teens and ask them how they handled their parents' fears. See if any of their parents would be willing to speak to your mom about it.

Good luck!

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