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My husband and I disagree with the degree to which we should impart veganism in our child's life. Right now, he's 15 months old and we are raising him as an ovo-lacto, but in the near future, I want to go fully vegan with my son. My husband feels that we should allow him to make his own choices, especially when he's school-aged. He doesn't want our son to feel ostrasized for being vegan. My question is this: How do I deal with a husband who just won't commit to raising our child vegan? I have no problem imparting and modeling veganism for my son, and teaching him why veganism is a lifestyle that is compatible with my beliefs, but how do I convince a husband who feels that fitting in is more important than standing up for one's convictions? - Marita

Dear Marita,

Your husband has your child's best interest at heart. No parent wants their kid to be ostrasized or picked on at school. But you know kids. If they want to pick on someone they will find something "wrong" with them no matter how much you try to teach them to "fit in."

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Instead of teaching your son how to fit in with everyone else, I think it's better to teach your child to be proud of who he is. You should also teach him how to handle bullies in school. It's a skill he'll need whether he is vegan or not.

You might want to tell your husband that there are tens of thousands of vegan kids in school all over the world. Times are definitely changing. My daughter's elementary school has a vegetarian option every day, and a vegan option every Wednesday. When my daughter takes her lunch to school she has a sandwich, a piece of fruit, some nuts, and sometimes a cookie or other treat. Same as the other kids. If you looked in on her class as a parent you wouldn't even be able to tell she was vegan. Sometimes she does not participate in school activities, such as when they dye Easter eggs, but she doesn't mind and no one even notices. It's just not as big a deal as you would think it is.

You will find a good deal of information on schools in my book Raising Vegan Children in a Non-Vegan World. Also, read When Bullies Strike for information about how to deal with school bullies.

Regarding your husband, realize he is afraid. He wants what's best for your child. What you may want to do is make a deal, "How about if he is vegan in school until such time as being a vegan causes him too much trouble. If we can't help him solve his problem, then he can eat what he wants." That gives you the chance to try it out without committing to it forever. And who knows, by the time a few years of schooling has passed, it might not be such a big deal after all.

Good luck!

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