View Full Version : Dating, vegan style?
10-22-2003, 01:02 PM
Ok...maybe this isn't exactly the forum for this question, but because many of you have spoken so eloquently surrounding the vegan/non-vegan spouse issue, here goes....
As a single mom, should I date only veg/vegans? I am going to wait for some of you to stop laughing and climb back up onto your computer chairs so that you can share some of your individual wisdom's on the matter. Think about it.....can I really stand to sit across from someone tearing into a lobster for half an hour? (And for that matter, have you ever seen the need for a vegan to wear a bib in public?) Pity me! It used to be that I was worried about ax murders and stalkers, yet now that I have my act together, I have more important issues like non-dairy creamer at the dessert course and an unmistakable hint of veal on my date's breath.
I think we singles should have a sign, or something that we wear to signify our lifestyle.
Maybe a scarlet V?
10-22-2003, 04:07 PM
If I were in the position of dating again I would definitely seek out a vegan first and foremost. That's definitely not a laughing matter. :)
Eating is a really pervasive part of living and it's important, especially if you're raising children, that you and your partner agree on that.
It's probably a little like finding someone of the same religious persuasion. Otherwise there can be trouble when it comes to raising the kids.
10-22-2003, 04:31 PM
As always, Erin, thank you for your kind reply. I don't imagine that in my late forties I will be having more children with a prospective spouse, and my own child is a young teen. But it does worry me that my household could be "split," with a new meat-eating husband, someday.
It makes good sense to seek a like partner. I can't envision "playing" with my two turkey pals at the sanctuary and then allowing one in my home to be cooked on Thanksgiving. Or watching him turn over meat on the grill....or...or....
...I think the deeper aspect is that I want to share the exploration of being vegan, animal activism and clean living with a significant other. I would want it to be a connective tissue. (Vegan, of course...lol).
10-22-2003, 06:29 PM
When you have the ability to bring someone into your life, why not make it someone who lifts you and completes you. A meat eater in your household would add conflict in daily living, through values, opinions on the worth (or sanctity) of life....everything right down to what brand of shampoo to use.(i.e.animal tested products... I'm sure you got my meaning)
You hold in the palm of your hand, the chance that alot of people (vegan or otherwise) don't get. You've been on this earth long enough to know what is important to you and the consequences of just settling. The whippersnappers out there reach blindly to find someone and THEN try to build the life they want. You HAVE the life you want, you just want to welcome someone into it with you.
You already know the answer to your own question.
10-23-2003, 04:33 AM
...thank you.....for your eloquence, your thoughful prose, and your willingness to help bring me to what I knew viscerally, but needed to solidify on a more cerebral level.
10-23-2003, 05:53 AM
Hi there. I know this was back in August and you seemed to have your question answered.
You recently responded to my email about my husband who is a meat eater and myself - a vegan and how I feel very torn sometimes. You responded with just be. Even with a very understanding spouse, it is still very, very difficult to me and I feel very alone on this subject as he doesn't understand.
When looking for a mate I did not discount any meat eaters and dated men who were...I married one and would not change who I am married to for a minute. However, if I had not met him and was still single, I definitely would try to do everything I could to meet vegetarians/vegans via the internet (didn't find any in the local vegetarian/vegan society that I was interested in). Being vegan or vegetarian is such a huge part of one's life that being with someone who isn't is difficult, no matter how understanding you are. However I wouldn't just be with someone because they were vegan either.
On our honeymoon my husband ordered seafood a lot and seeing him rip apart lobsters and crabs was too much for me, it actually disgusted me and was difficult for me to then enjoy my vegan meal.
On our anniversary, we went to an organic restaurant that served meat also, but he ordered an all vegan meal to be respectful and he throughly enjoyed it (it's one of his favorites at the restaurant now).
Even with the most respectful and loving meateater, life is still more difficult. I do wish my husband had the same values in regards to the earth and animals as I do. It would make me feel less alone on this issue and feel like I was with someone who strived for the same peace.
So what I'm saying is, I would not discount dating a meat eater if you had so much in common, but I would try to find someone with the same beliefs, it would so much easier.
10-23-2003, 06:44 AM
...because you are willing to turn this over so honestly and earnestly, and have had much introspection about your own life. Thank you for taking the time to share your musings with me.
Actually, I just posted my query last evening. And, as often is the case, I pretty much knew the direction I needed to go in but was seeking clarity and definition. Your response, along with others has crystalized those feelings.
I do hear you. You have a loving partnership, not to be traded for all of the world, but are aware of a very essential part of you that feels unattended and hence lonely. It will be your task to keep doing what you have been doing so very well, that is, introducing your choices into the marriage and sharing what you can. Nothing is static, ample proof of this being that your anniversary dinner was more attuned to your sensibilities....so there is much promise that your marriage will continue to evolve and perhaps offer up some nice surprises along the way.
Yes, it makes much sense, in my position to "begin" with someone who is veg/vegan. But I do honor the choices that you and others have made with non-vegan mates.
10-24-2003, 07:17 AM
Thanks for asking this question. It has given me (an almost-vegan single) a lot ot think about. I have wondered if it would be enough to just insist that I would not touch, cook, or clean up after meat (that cleaning part was one of the things I did not miss after going veg). I've appreciated everyone's comments.
11-16-2003, 09:45 PM
There was a time when I would have said to date anyone you meet and like. But now, I say "vegan!". Now that my husband is vegan, the "old way" seems completely unlivable to me. I have eaten my last iceberg lettuce salad topped with vinegar ( due to most italian dressings in steak houses contain sardine extract, whatever that means) and the only other choice being ranch. Come on, ice berge lettuce and bib, or pad thai and veal free kisses? You decide.
11-17-2003, 02:37 PM
Sarahrose.....I will most assuredly take the veal-free kisses!
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