non-veg family & friends

[joneshomestead]

I am new to the boards and have a question for you. We are fairly new vegetarians. Our 14-month old is lactose intolerant, so we use soy milk also.

Our relatives and friends are all carnivores. They know that I cannot have any meat products due to health issues and daughter can't have lactose. Problem is, when we are visiting, at church, or when grandarents are babysitting, they are always trying to give daughter meat products. They respect the lactose part of it because they have seen her in extreme stomach pain from drinking cow's milk. The meat part of the issue is ignored.

I have tried talking to them and also keep veg snacks & such in her diaper bag so that she can eat the proper things. They still give her non-veg foods.
I am trying to be respectful of my in-laws, being that they are my husband's parents, but it is really difficult.

They even go as far as to refuse to use cloth diapers that I provide, even though I also provide everything they need (wet bag) so they don't have to fuss with cleaning them.

What would you do?

Thanks,
Paula

[Christa]

If you have explained your dietary choices to them in terms of health issues and they do not see the health issues related to meat in your dd, I guess I can see why they aren't being too good about following your request (although it is still disrespectful to ignore the parenting choices of the parent). Are you not feeding her meat for ethical, religious or other reasons as well or because you believe it to be better for her health regardless of whether she has specific health reasons to avoid meat? If so, I'd start by sharing with them the full reason for why you do not want her to eat meat.

Tell them that, while you can respect that different things are right for different people and they may not agree with your decisions, this is what you and your dh have decided for your child and you expect anyone who cares for her to follow your wishes. If they still continue to offer her foods you do not want her to eat, I'd probably have to limit them to supervised visits until she is old enough to know what it is they are trying to feed her and assert herself.

[joneshomestead]

Thanks Christa for your reply. I have explained our reasons for the dietary choices. They just don't respect it. Funny part is, my in-laws follow a more kosher diet & don't eat pork or other specific types of foods, yet they don't respect our decision for our own family. Abit hypocritical in my mind.

They have all seen the affect meat has on me. Up until last January, I was in chronic pain and had to use a walker or cane to get around. I had 14 yrs of Fibromyalgia pain. Late January, I went vegetarian after reading about some people having a measure of relief if they stop eating meat & refined foods. In just 2 weeks, I was pain free for the first time in 14 yrs. and no longer using a cane or walker. I have been pain free ever since. When my DH saw the dramatic results, he decided to go vegetarian also. He didn't have the health issues, but agreed that vegetarian diet is healthier. We chose this for our daughter also.

People we know are well aware of the reasons for our diet changes. We have talked about it often enough, especially after they see the improvement in my health. They agree that it is healthier for me, but in their minds, since our daughter didn't have the health issues involving meat she shouldn't be deprived of meat.

Paula

[veganloraine]

i've had similar issues with my in-laws. although i don't believe they fed either of my children any meat, i'm almost certain they knowingly fed them non-vegan treats.

christa really does have the best advice. although the older child is very conscious of being a vegan and will not accept what he is told are non-vegan food items, i did stop unsupervised visits for a period of time. my in-laws were aware of this and have, i truly believe, stopped attempting to feed them non-vegan food items (although the "food" they do feed them has little nutritional value, but that's a whole other matter). they saw that both my dh and i were serious in this matter and that deceptions would not be tolerated.

strangely, they too refuse to put the baby in cloth diapers, no matter what i try. as he rarely spends time over there long enough to require a diaper change, i've let this go - for now

[joneshomestead]

I think I have finally made some headway with the food issues. I am talking to the adults involved from the perspective of how they would feel if someone were to feed their child something that they (the adults) were against. For example, some of the families eat a kosher diet and are very against eating pork. I asked how they would feel if people who knew their dietary restrictions were to continually feed their kids pork. That got their attention. For kids who give her foods I don't approve of, I thank them for thinking of her but tell them that if they want to feed her something sh ehas snacks in the diaper bag they can give her. So far, it seems to be starting to work better.

As for the diapers, I made it simple. When my in-laws watch her for a few hours (which they do every Wednesday to give me uninterrupted time to work in the garden), I take only the cloth diapers. If they really want to use the disposible, they have to buy them. After having to purchase them, my MIL asked me if I could make extra of the cloth diapers to keep at her house.

[VegParent]

Oh, that's terrific! I'm so glad you could find some understanding on those issues. I think it can be very difficult to deal with family that won't respect parenting decisions - of any kind.