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How to Help your Favorite Omnivore Go Vegan
by Laura Bruno
With the growing number of "mixed" vegan marriages and relationships, discussions of how to convert or tolerate a meat-loving spouse heat up vegan Web sites and email exchanges. It seems people intuitively realize that a shift in diet manifests itself throughout the rest of life: that we really are in some sense what we eat. For this reason, suggesting a loved one change his or her diet nearly always provokes some kind of reaction. Superimpose issues of morality on that "gut reflex," and you have the makings of a minefield. The following tips will help you minimize explosions:
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1) Appreciate and encourage any steps your spouse has already taken to explore a vegan diet.
Consider the following scenario: you're a vegan and your spouse or partner wants to support you, but does not feel as passionately about animal rights as you do. Before judging your spouse for this lack of concern for animals, recognize and acknowledge the sentiment behind the gesture. In your compassion for animals, remember not to overlook the important humans in your life.
Nothing paralyzes an intimate relationship like feeling judged. Rather than convincing a somewhat willing partner, your disdain will more likely provoke defensiveness and anger. Instead of curious, your fledgling vegan becomes defiant or resentful. In either case, the chances of lasting dietary change diminish.
So … how do you support an omnivorous partner in his or her moves towards a more vegetarian and vegan-friendly lifestyle? The way we ideally support loved ones in any period of change: with compassion, presence, and understanding.
2) Decide which is more important to you: your spouse the person, or your spouse the potential vegan.
No one can make this decision for you, but knowing the answer provides you with necessary perspective. If you love your partner unconditionally, but would prefer s/he not consume flesh, then the relationship will always take precedence over the diet. On the other hand, the differences in diet might represent fundamental emotional and spiritual differences between the two of you. In this case, your disagreements over diet and animal rights act as catalysts to further discussion about your overall relationship.
It is important that you explore your feelings carefully and honestly, as they will inevitably affect how you deal with the situation. Sometimes we site morality in order to avoid vulnerability or responsibility. Other times revulsion or empathy stems from a seemingly unconnected trauma. Discovering that your commitment to veganism has an emotional component does not diminish your "argument." Rather, sharing that vulnerability with a loved one often provides the missing link to understanding.
In any case, you will need to pay attention to your own reactions and to subtle shifts in your partner's attitude and mannerisms. Anytime one person makes a huge lifestyle shift for someone else, resentment and expectation can go unchecked and then explode. Asking direct, but non-confrontational questions in the moment helps diffuse conflicts. As a result, you might even grow closer through these challenges.
3) Learn how to explain detoxification symptoms in understandable terms.
One common pitfall occurs when an omnivore begins to replace meat and dairy with healthier options and feels SICK! Sometimes the feelings pass quickly; however, a heavy meat-eater may experience severe constipation, nausea, and headaches for quite some time. Particularly if the person is unsure of his or her commitment to go vegan, s/he will probably say something like, "If this diet's so healthy, then why do I feel so sick? I was healthier eating meat."
Even you might wonder why adding fiber and extra vegetables to someone's diet could make them feel so crummy. The answer is "detoxification"-the process whereby the body replaces toxic substances with higher-quality nutrients. The body's degree of toxicity and the speed of the dietary switch determine how many toxins hit the bloodstream before being re-processed and eliminated through sweat, urine and feces. Most people don't realize that any increase in fiber demands an increase in drinking water. If an aspiring vegan does not drink enough water, then s/he not only slows down the elimination process through sweat and urine; dehydration may also cause fiber to back up in the colon.
Additionally, animal products contain hormones and chemicals that can become addictive. Suddenly depriving the body of the jolt of adrenaline these provide often results in intense cravings. Think of nicotine fits, recovering alcoholics' tremors, and the physical pain heroin addicts feel while trying to quit. All are symptoms of withdrawal and can accompany any effort to break addictions.
Understanding the principles behind detoxification usually makes the symptoms more tolerable. If the toxin or withdrawal explanations sound too graphic, then try making an analogy with exercise. Like the diet change, exercise is "supposed to be good for us." But starting up an exercise program after a period of inactivity normally leaves people with sore muscles for a while. As the program continues, the body grows accustomed to the activity and eventually begins to crave it. As the body adapts itself to a healthier diet, it will eventually crave healthier food. Rest, water, and emphasizing the temporary nature of symptoms will help greatly.
4) Be understanding of the perceived need for more protein.
Although research attests that a vegan diet can provide more than ample amounts of protein, an omnivore is probably accustomed to much higher amounts. In the beginning, s/he may need to rely on protein supplements and fake meats to fill that aching void. Symptoms of the body craving more protein include: insomnia, dizziness, lack of energy, and forgetfulness. Often a quick protein snack and some B-vitamins will stave off temptation to return to meat.
In supporting someone going vegan, I recommend you have on hand fake meats, soy milk and soy protein powder, nuts, seeds and B-vitamins. Offer these before the situation gets out of hand, because meat will satisfy the craving. Having meat come to the rescue reinforces the belief that we really can't live without it, whereas a pick-me-up from plant protein suggests other possibilities. Emotionally and physically, the answer to those initial cravings leaves a strong impression.
5) Recognize factors that may be out of your loved one's control.
Consider this scenario: your partner is really struggling with the dietary shift, and it seems not to work for him or her right now. If you suspect food intolerance, then digestive enzymes and/or an acidophilus supplement may help considerably. Occasionally but not always, the complete elimination of dairy eases other food intolerances. Some people find that doing a colon or metabolic cleanse prepares the body for a shift in diet. Others fast on juices and Spirulina protein powder. Your loved one's decision to follow these suggestions (or not) depends upon how quickly and thoroughly s/he wants to go vegan. A more gradual approach-say, cutting animal consumption back to twice a week, then once a week, then once a month-may render these suggestions unnecessary.
Keep in mind that trauma, food allergies, stress, illness, and pregnancy can all affect digestion and protein requirements. Sometimes these situations benefit from treatment, and sometimes they need to resolve in their own time. Pushing your partner or yourself too hard in any of these circumstances can pose health risks and cause frustration and depression. Please consult a holistic physician or nutritionist for advice, particularly if your loved one suffers from a potentially serious health problem. And please be gentle in your disappointment if now is not the time for such a dietary switch.
It took me ten years of constant experimentation and hope, but I was eventually able to go vegan. Even when a brain injury and food allergies forced me to consume a lot of meat, I had mostly vegetarian and vegan friends. Instead of fueling guilt, they encouraged me to nurture myself healthy enough to change my diet. In the meantime, I did what I could for the environment by recycling and using organic products and produce whenever possible. So don't despair. With patience, tolerance, and a little creativity, you really can support your favorite omnivore on the road to compassionate eating and better health.
Laura Bruno is an Intuitive Life Coach and Reiki Master Teacher who wrote The Lazy Raw Foodist's Guide: www.lazyrawfoodist.com and If I Only Had a Brain Injury. Please stay tuned for her first novel, which features some vegan and raw foodist characters! http://laurabruno.wordpress.com.
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